I recently had the opportunity to photograph The Beautiful Kind for my Identity Project (which I just wrapped up, thank you), and had a very engaging discussion with her as we shot the pictures. She describes her blog as “smut for smart people”, and it is obvious from spending any time talking to her that she is absolutely an intellectual lady. Recently, her blog earned her a designation from the Riverfront Times as one of their “13 Favorite Bloggers” in St. Louis. With all of this attention swimming around her, I thought that it would be a good time to interview her for d’Arte Board.
More pics and the interview after the jump!
Image courtesy of The Beautiful Kind.
ME: Explain the purpose of The Beautiful Kind blog.
TBK: The purpose of The Beautiful Kind is to be a sex positive community where people can get advice, share their experiences, and learn a thing or two from a bonafide sex goddess. The site strives to bring shy folks out of their shell, and offer a safe haven for perverts. All genders, sexual orientations, lifestyles, and fetishes are welcome. Open, honest, and authentic, The Beautiful Kind is sure to entertain, educate, titillate, and inspire. Smut for smart people.
ME: Your blog was recently voted, in a Riverfront Times poll, as one of St. Louis’ favorites; why do you think that your blog is so popular?
TBK: My blog is popular because it’s well done, has good content, is wildly interesting and entertaining, but most of all, people can be themselves and address their deep, dark secrets. Readers see all the crazy stuff I explore and it encourages them to work their own kinks out.
ME: Do you think that being a woman, and writing the type of content that you do, helps or hinders your popularity and/or your mission?
TBK: Being an attractive woman absolutely helps my mission. I can get away with saying A LOT. If a man said some of the things I say, it would be creepy. I’m non-threatening.
ME: What are some of the particular challenges women face in becoming professionals within the Erotica Industry? Do you think that there are any advantages?
TBK: The biggest challenge women face in being pro in the erotic industry is that most men think that because she is open to being sexual and nude, she is open for business. They assume she is a nymphomaniac and they feel free to take liberties. Many men see a nude woman and take that as a sign that she is presenting herself as sexually available. It’s hard for a woman to do things on her own terms, especially when she is young or new to the scene.
As far as advantages go, women are the golden key. Women hold great sexual power, but too often they allow men to make decisions for them. They allow themselves to be manipulated. I certainly did when I was a stripper at 19.
ME: On your blog you mention some of the services you provide in addition to your writing and commentary. These include, Sex Consultant and Sex Surrogate; can you explain what these services offer, and how you approach either role, in terms of the steps you take?
TBK: I offer a variety of services. One is a sex consultant. This is where I meet with someone and help them work through their sexual issues for $60/hr. This is a talking service. It’s a sex or relationship coach role. I use my vast research and personal experience to help people discover themselves and find happiness and satisfaction. I have people tell me they have breakthroughs with me after one or two sessions that they haven’t experienced after months of therapy with a licensed therapist.
I also offer sex surrogacy on a very selective basis. This is hands on therapy and costs $200+ an hour. I’ve worked with men who are dealing with issues such as adult virginity, awkward social skills, premature ejaculation, and erectile dysfunction. I wrote an intro to this concept that can be found here.
ME: You also mention some of the life experiences that you’ve had, some of which include dark moments that you’ve had to overcome, like molestation as a child. Have you thought of offering guidance or therapy to children who have recently gone through such an event, or have you actually done such work?
TBK: I don’t prefer working or spending time with children. As far as social services go, I gravitate more towards adults, sex, seniors, and death & dying issues. That said, I am fiercely committed to raising my daughter right. She is 9, the same age I was when I was molested. I’m incredibly grateful that she has not had to experience any of the trauma I experienced as a child. I aim to keep her safe, healthy, and intact. She is the most important person in the world to me, and I’m proud to say she is more aware of “what time it is” than most adults I know. She’s a rare gem. I keep a blog for her here.
ME: Readers of this interview have probably already noted that you keep your identity separate from The Beautiful Kind. Do you hope that there will eventually be a moment when you will be comfortable publicly expressing both in context of each other, and how have you managed to keep quiet about your blog, say, at work? Have there been complications?
TBK: I am open and honest about my lifestyle. My family and friends know all about me, but I do have safety and career concerns. If I ever made it big and had a book deal and had a national presence and could make a living off TBK then I would come out all the way. Definitely not there yet. I still need to protect myself in case I get a mainstream job. Also, no one at my daughter’s school knows about TBK. They just know me as the shy Girl Scout Cookie Captain.
ME: Given the separation of identities, do you see some kind of resolution in terms of your decision to participate in my Identity Project? If so, was it a conscious attempt for you to express two different personas or to show the correlation between two halves of yourself that some people in your “real” life might find otherwise dichotomous?
TBK: By participating in your Identity Project, I hoped to explore the two sides of my life – mother/vanilla – whore/goddess, and use the project as a therapeutic exercise. I love both sides of myself, and want to celebrate both. Most people can only handle one side of me. I feel best around the people who can accept ALL of me for who I am. I’m very lucky I have an open and honest relationship with both my primary partner and my daughter. I can be myself with them, and they can be themselves with me. I realize this is rare, and I truly appreciate it.
ME: Where do you see The Beautiful Kind going, in the future?
TBK: As far as TBK goes, I would love to have a nationally syndicated column. I have an underground following, and would love to break through and reach the mainstream. I’d love to have a sponsor. I want a book deal. I want to share all my fantastic ideas with more people. I’ve had a fascinating life worthy of a memoir. I’m also working on an ebook for women called “The Book of Goddess: Elevating Your Desirability to Mythic Proportions.” My goal is to release that this spring. I’m fine sharing my body with others visually and physically, but would rather make money off my brain. I’ve changed many lives with my site, and that means a lot to me. I want to continue making a difference as I live my rich and beautiful life.
Image courtesy of The Beautiful Kind.
Congrats to TBK for her Riverfront Times mention, and go check her out everyone!
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